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Why do I always…. ?

Then I suppose I’ve done that
Triggered all my emotions beyond sense
Why do I always challenge myself?
When I know that it will be difficult ?
For all the little ones inside.
When I know it will create crying?
When I know that the paralyzing fear will be total?

Now I triggered all ..
And it creates conflicts
Because they want to deal with it in different ways

Where one would eat
the other will throw up
And some will just lie still
and try to disappear.

And one would harm the body
one other will die
And some will just lie still
and try to disappear

And those who just want to lie still
can still be heard
Because they are crying.
Loud.
In fear for any consequences.

And a gray cuddlebunny 
has become a necessity
We can not give up

So why do I do it?
Time after time?
When I know what will be happening?

Well, ofcourse I do it
for how could I not?

I have imagined to go even further
I shall not remain in this swamp
of terror and fear
holding me back.

For in the end I’ll win
And painful memories will only be bad memories
And not a parallel reality

And every time I dare to confront hell
I will come closer to my goals

I will win eventually
And then I’m free, finally.

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